Why do the Places where it is Easiest to Achieve Happiness have the most Despair?

A person whose state of unhappiness runs deep and is ingrained – would such a person feel better being transplanted among a society of happy people? Or would he feel even more alone and without support? There's been a study done on this. Now why, you're probably asking yourself would anyone study this? Was there a real reason to commission that study - or was this just one of those empty PhD theses? The study into what helps people achieve happiness was a serious one that was done for serious reason.

You've seen those articles that list the cities of the world by a happiness index, haven't you? Social analysts have long known this - but the happiest places on earth are usually the places with the highest suicide rates. It's just the way it's always been. The study tries to find out why this might be so.

If you lived in a place like Copenhagen or Stockholm, two places in the world that appear to have the most equality, opportunity and chances offered to achieve happiness, how would you explain how people around you dropped like flies? Some scientists try to explain it by pointing to how in spite of all their happiness, they happen to live in a country that's cold and dark for a large part of the year and how that could cause suicidal depression. But the thing is, America has the same kind of problem too. America's happiest cities, in places like Hawaii, which are not noted for long and dark winters, have terrible suicide rates too - the fifth highest in the country.

Here's what researchers think about how humans achieve happiness. To a certain extent, happiness comes from absolute levels of what one has - money, health, a fulfilling family life and opportunity. But far more important than any absolute level happens to be how one compares to the people around one. If you've grown up in a really disadvantaged neighborhood and the people around you are the ones you've always compared yourself with, merely making it to high school, never having been arrested, having a modest but dependable job is and having a tiny but comfortable apartment will make you feel like you're really winning in life. Should you be transplanted to, say, a town in Boston or in the Silicon Valley, where everyone's highly educated and has great aspirations in life, you will suddenly feel that you just can't keep up. And your life is going to seem really pathetic in comparison. People achieve happiness, or fail to, mostly by comparing themselves to the people around them that they relate to.

The happiest states of the country, are places where most people have achieved all that life promises them. People who somehow aren't able to achieve this feel like spectacular losers - even if by the standards of some other places the country, they might really be proud of what they've done with their lives. It's all relative, what makes a person feel happy. When one happens to be one of the only people one knows who haven't done well in life, what is there left to do but to give up?

What I Learned About Psychology in College

When I was in college, I decided that my major would be psychology, I would go on to medical school and become the next Frasier Crane. Well, that never happened. I work as a probation officer now, which I am quite content with, but I have to say that there is a lot about psychology that has helped me in my career and in life in general.

One of the the things I love the most about psychology is that one really learns what motivates people to do the things they do. It is easy to see how environment can affect a person's world view or how early childhood experiences can impact a person's later life.

Case in point – I saw a probationer last year who was combative, cocky and uncooperative. My first inclination was to be very stern with him and inform him that I was not going to put up with any nonsense or disrespect. To be completely honest, I did just that, but I also asked him to tell me about his childhood and what it was like for him growing up.

I learned that he had been abused throughout his life and that his mother told him she did not love him. He also told me that his father was a drug addict and that his mother's boyfriend use to beat her up and then go after him. I soon realized that a lot of what I had learned about psychology, particularly Freudian psychology and the effects that childhood experiences have on a person in later life, really helped me understand him.

I discussed with him some of the things I had learned about psychology when it came to dealing with such issues and how to resolve them. I also encouraged him to go and see an actual psychologist who could provide him with a formal diagnosis and allow him to start weeding through some of the stress and difficulties he encountered on a daily basis.

Within a few months, this person had completed the conditions of his probation and was doing quite well. He was working a full-time job, going to school, and did not feel the urge to use drugs or steal any longer, which were among the charges that had been brought against him when we first met. I give him almost all of the credit for taking the initiative to address the issues he had, but I do remind myself that it was what I had learned about psychology that led him to do so.

This person is now a model probationer and well on his way to a better life. He told me the other day that he wanted to learn more about psychology so that he could help others and is actually considering majoring in the subject himself. I am so impressed that what I had learned was able to help him so much, and that it will maybe even help more people in the future through him.

Meeting People In a New Area

If you are moving to a new place where you know very little about what to do for fun, where to shop, and where to go meet new people, you may feel very lonely for a while as you get settled in. Some people have no idea how to get acquainted with new people and they end up spending a lot of time taking trips to visit old friends after they move. While there is nothing wrong with seeing old friends, you have to learn how to go about meeting people where you now live so that you can start an active social life in your new home. If you have children, it is even more important to get out there and find new friends.

Meeting people is not always easy for some people. Some people are shy and they are not sure how to start conversations with strangers. They typically make friends when other people approach them. For others, meeting people comes easy as they can talk about anything with anyone. Most people fall somewhere in the middle. If you are not good at talking to people, at least learn where to put yourself so that others can approach you if need be and eventually, someone will.

If you have children, you want to go where other children hang out. Moms typically meet other moms before and after school and at local school functions. Parks and swimming pools are great places as well. If your kids make friends easily, they are going to want to hang out with new children, which means you get to meet the parents. You are not going to be meeting people that always mesh with your style this way, but you would be surprised about how much in common you have with many parents. It is good to make friends if your kids like each other, but do take it slow in the event the kids end up not getting along after a spell.

Meeting people means going where other people are. This is something that many people overlook when they complain that they have not made new friends in a new area. You have to get out there. It can be hard to go it alone, so take your spouse if you have one. Go to parks, stores, and community events where people are gathering. Take classes at a local community center so you can be meeting people that have the same interests as you do. Live your life as if you already have friends, and you will meet people that are a lot like you when you least expect it.

Don't forget about meeting people online. This can be tricky, but many new friendships have formed because shy people have gone online to meet new people rather than going out looking. See if you can find a site that offers friendship matching as well as dating matching. Be clear about what you want in a friend and be clear that you are not looking to date, if that is the case for you. There are others that may be new to the area too, have had friends move away, or need a while new set of friends for various reasons. New friends are out there just waiting to be found. Meeting people does not have to be hard.